I don’t know what I feel anymore…

My demons inside have been nawing at my spirit. I used to cry…become depressed. That was way better I suppose because I looked the Demon in his eyes and said not today.

However, the struggle recently to stay strong against his robust arm has been real. It’s easy to get sucked into the abyss of emotions tied to…Why am I not enough? Why doesn’t anyone love me and tell me? Maybe if I’m not here anymore no one will miss me….. I’m fat… I’m getting old…. I’m no longer sexy… My kids hate me… My husband doesn’t love me enough to say I love you… My body aches…

I’m am just so tired. No one has any idea… I’ve reached a point of numbness that leaves me with no tears. My friend told me yesterday… “Cry…it’s very therapeutic and handed me a tissue… ” I just stared at him…feeling absolutely nothing…no urge to release this burden in my heart.

This fear and anxiety is eating away at me from the inside. I’m afraid to say anything to anyone..my true thoughts…noone will understand. They will label me crazy…and fear they want to medicate me which may make me more nuts….change me.. Take away my kids… Maybe institutionalize me!

This is why I love my blog. It’s not for you…not done to see how many likes I get. It’s for ME…just an avenue to release the demons in my head. Wish I could cry…but not there yet…and wonder if that means I’m stronger than I thought…or just in denial of how far gone emotionally I’ve drifted…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s